My father fought in the Clone Wars?

So, there’s a new Star Wars movie on the way… Kinda. In actuality it’s the feature length pilot for the computer animated follow up the highly successful Clone Wars animated series. I wish I could say I was excited. I wish I could say that I was awaiting this event with enthusiasm. Sadly, that’s just not the case. Maybe it’s because I’ve been burned too many times at this point. Thrice bitten, umm, sextuple shy.

I’m probably being unfair. Clone Wars was the best thing to come out of the prequel trilogy. Maybe this series will be cool. The real problem though will never be solved, and that is George’s monumental mismanagement of the Clone Wars and the Jedi. No matter how good the writing is on these shows, it’ll never make up for those facts. “But Geoff, what do you mean? We don’t follow you.” Well get comfy kids, because you will soon enough, even if I have to drag you kicking and screaming.

First, lets talk about the Jedi. I hate the fucking Jedi of the prequels. They suck. Period. Let me ask you something. What did YOU think the Jedi would be like, based on the Original Trilogy’s cryptic references? Were you thinking ass-kickers? Or were you thinking philosopher monks? If your answer was monks, you need to leave now. Don’t come back either, we don’t want your type around here. Are all the dumb-asses gone now? Good.

There are a lot of problems with the portrayal of the Jedi in the prequels. They’re supposed to be the Guardians of Peace and justice. They are endowed with incredible powers to that end. They are called KNIGHTS for crying out loud. You see, to me the word Knight was integral to how I thought of the Jedi. While a Jedi may not crave adventure or excitement, that doesn’t mean that a Jedi’s life should be devoid of such things. In fact, I would argue that it is the essential nature of a Jedi’s calling.

The last thing we should see Jedi doing is mediating trade disputes. Thats a job for a politician. Jedi should be out fighting evil, upholding the law, protecting the weak. They are, for all intents and purposes, the super powered police of the galaxy. Would you send the police to mediate a dispute between an employer and a union? Of course not. Jedi are Samurai, they’re Cowboys, They are KNIGHTS. It’s right in the fucking name.

So, now that we’ve discussed my problem with the nature of the Jedi, let’s move on to another, smaller yet linked issue. The Jedi uniform. Why are they wearing those stupid monk robes? Now, I know what a lot of you are saying: “Geoff, are you stupid? That’s what Jedi wear, even in the original trilogy, remember? That’s what Obi-Wan was wearing the whole time!”. True, Obi-Wan was wearing those robes the whole time. Does that make them the Jedi uniform? Fuck no

Consider: Obi-Wan was in hiding, correct? The last thing any sane person would do when trying to avoid being exterminated would be to wear the uniform of the group that was being hunted. Now consider this: Everyone on Tattooine was dressed like that. Uncle Owen was wearing the same kind of robes as Obi-Wan (save for that big brown cloak) does that make uncle Owen a Jedi? Fuck no. This is a desert planet! Robes are practical desert wear! Fucking rent Lawrence of Arabia. Obi-Wan was laying low and blending in.

So what do I think the Jedi should have worn? Who knows. My preference is the style of uniform Luke was sporting in Return of the Jedi. Fitted Pants, tunic, boots, vest, hooded cape. Far more practical. Just try sword fighting in all those bulky layers of flowing robe. And yes I know all about the use of robes and flowing clothing in old skool sword fighting so you can stuff those arguments, Practical for metal swords perhaps, not for lightsabres.

We’ve talked about the Jedi, now what about those Clone Wars?

The Clone Wars are a trickier issue. They were so briefly mentioned in the films that there really isn’t anything to go on. What do we know from the films? Well, let’s make a list shall we?

1.) The clone wars occurred before the rise of the Galactic Empire.

2.) The clone wars were fought by the Jedi.

And that’s it. There’s no more information in the films. Still, we can glean a few more details about the conflict from the name. The CLONE wars. First, that it was a series of conflicts, not just a single conflict. Second, that the war was about CLONES. Hence the name the CLONE wars. So, what did we get? A war about separatists. Sure, it was fought by clones, but that’s not a good enough reason to call it the clone wars. Historians do not name wars based on what the armies were comprised of. They name wars based on what the war is about, or sometimes how long it lasted.

Had this war been about cloning, or against the clones as a group, then it could reasonably be called The Clone Wars. The conflict we were given would more accurately be titled The Separatist War. And that’s another thing. This was a Republic yes? So, if planets want to leave the republic, they should be free to do so. Otherwise, it’s not a republic, it’s a totalitarian regime. To force planets to remain a part of the republic if the population of that planet has voted to leave is contrary to the very political nature of a republic. It would be like the United Nations requiring a Country to remain a member if that country had decided to leave. It just doesn’t work that way.

Anyway, I’ve vented enough. I hope this new film and new series is good, I really do. I’m not holding my breath though, not when THIS kind of thing is happening in the Star Wars universe. Oh George, what HAPPENED to you?

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~ by Pagz on April 22, 2008.

One Response to “My father fought in the Clone Wars?”

  1. Hey, I gots a blog of my own now. LIIIIIINK MEEEEEE.

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