Suck is an energy field created by all shitty things

When last we left our intrepid reviewer, he was pointing out how stupid the Naval officers in the service of the Republic are, and now please move directly to the edge of your seat for todays exciting installment!

Back in the conference room, those Jedi have sprung into action, standing up abruptly and drawing their lightsabres. At this point the room starts filling with what is presumably poison gas. Qui-Gon identifies the gas as “Dioxygen” to my ears, and the ears of several I have asked. Sadly, Dioxygen, is exactly the same as oxygen, so this makes little sense. The subtitles on the DVD claim he is saying “Dioxis” which still doesn’t tell us a whole bunch. So, a bunch of droids show up outside the sealed conference room doors, all carrying guns, all looking generally more advanced than any of the droids seen in the OT (hooray for continuity). A hologram of the head Neimoidian appears to tell the droids that the Jedi must be dead, and to go in and destroy what’s left. Apparently, the control ship is not equipped with any kind of internal sensors, or else he would have known the Jedi were still alive. Oh well, add a couple of battle droids to the scrap heap I guess.

The battle droids of the film seem to have been given excessive personality, considering their function. Not a good personality either, but a really stupid one. These aren’t droids built to interact with people. They don’t require human like personalities or idiosyncrasies, they’re soldiers. They should be cold and efficient. Later in the film we learn that they’re all controlled by the control ship, and that without it they all shut down. So why do they have to talk to each other at all? Why does the leader have to address one of the squad as corporal and order him to investigate the room? Why, when the lightsabres ignite visibly in the gas cloud does he then say “uh oh”. Is he worried? Why would a battle droid be capable of that kind of pseudo-emotional response? What purpose could it possibly serve in his functionality as a soldier? Why does he have to give the order to “blast them” when they were all under clear orders to destroy what was left? All these questions and many more to be answered… never.

Needless to say, the Jedi make short work of the battle droids. Back on the bridge, the Neimoidians are getting a little anxious. The Viceroy’s main suck up says “We will not survive this”. Here is yet another instance where the Jedi are painted in a very poor light. The guy thinks the Jedi will kill them? Seriously, is that what we’re supposed to expect from the Jedi? At this point Qui-Gon starts cutting his way through the blast doors to the bridge, and suck up says “They’re still coming through!” Still? When were they coming through before? The conflict ends when some shielded destroyer droids show up and our Jedi head for the hills, displaying a new Jedi power, speed running. Don’t look for it later in the film when it’ll become useful, it is apparently for this scene only. The Jedi then escape into the ventilation shaft. How do we know this? The ships sensors, which were unable to tell the Neimoidians if the Jedi were still alive, are apparently good enough to at least track their progress through the ship. Next time they buy a command ship, they should really splurge and get the full sensor suite instead of just the factory standard.

The Jedi arrive in the hold of the battleship, and what do they find? Battle droids. Just like the ones they just finished slicing to bits, and the ones they passed on their way to the conference room from their ship. However, they seem genuinely surprised to see these particular battle droids. They surmise that this is an invasion army (finally) and decide to stow away on the landing craft so they can warn the Naboo. Up on the Bridge, the Neimoidians are getting a call from Queen Amidala. For some reason, it was decided to alter Natalie Portman’s queen voice, to make it lower. It sounds pretty bad. Having heard the unaltered version of said voice (in the trailer and commercials) I can only shake my head and wonder why they bothered. The dialogue between the queen and the Neimoidians is short and uninspired. All it really does is throw into sharper relief exactly how bad the voice work for the Neimoidians is.

And so we take our leave of the Trade Federation Battle ship. Join us next week for our next exciting episode: Enter the Gungan.

Advertisements

~ by Pagz on June 15, 2008.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: