Suddenly Bananas… thousands of them

When we last left our hero, he was watching the exciting departure from Otah Gungah. Join me now as we continue to dive deeper into the murky depths of mediocrity.

At this point, our “heroes” are attacked by a large, leviathan like fish. For some reason this fish catches its prey as a frog would, by shooting out a long, stretchy, sticky tongue. Suddenly, an even larger sea creature, which looks suspiciously like Godzilla from the poorly received American update, comes out of nowhere to attack the fish that was eating our heroes, and so they escape, with Qui-Gon delivering the deliciously witty line “There’s always a bigger fish”. This is going to become a recurrent theme in this film, happy accidents. One or two per film is forgivable, but this film is so mired in deus ex machina as to be almost unforgivable. Hey, here’s a question, how is it that the Jedi didn’t the enormous sea creature sneaking up behind them with the intent of eating them? They could sense the fear of the Neimoidians on the battle ship, is this somehow different? Jedi powers are, sadly, used only for convenience in this film, disappearing when ever it is more dramatic for them to do so.

Let’s head on back to the Trade Federation control ship now, for a largely pointless scene. On the line is Lord Sidious, who is letting our Neimoidian friends know that he’s keeping the senate bogged down in proceedings, so they will have no choice but to accept the trade federation’s control of the system. Basically, this scene pretty much gives away exactly who Sidious is (Senator Palpatine, gasp!), for those viewers who hadn’t figured it out already. Later in the film will come more moments which drive the point home further. Well, that was a fun scene, let’s get back to the submarine.

As our intrepid crew travels through the tunnels of the planets core, their sub loses power. Luckily for our heroes, this loss of power does not extend to the force shields this submarine has in place of canopy glass. I really have to call this a triumph of design. A submarine whose canopy is merely a force shield, so the lives of those inside are solely dependant on that shields operation. Boy, our crew sure is lucky they didn’t die right here. Obi fiddles with some wires, and some how mystically manages to restore power. Only to discover another monster! What are the odds?! A narrow escape from this monster, aided once again by another one of those giant Godzilla sea creatures follows. Jar Jar freaks out and starts babbling incoherently, always a treat, and is thankfully Vulcan neck pinched into silence by Qui-Gon. Repetitive enough for you? You bet!

Back on the surface of the planet we are treated to a very impressive shot of the droid armies of the trade federation marching on Theed, the capital city of Naboo. Queen Amidala watches from a window in the palace. Phew, good thing you didn’t go to war, otherwise your people might not get to enjoy all this sweet subjugation. The Viceroy and suck up arrive, and are informed by a particularly enthusiastic battle droid that they have captured the queen. “Ah, victory” the Viceroy says in his heavily accented voice. Yes, truly George is a wordsmith without compare.

So, here we are in Theed. The Trade Federation has, for some reason never to be revealed, taken control of the planet. They want the queen to sign a treaty that will make their occupation legal. Why? They’ve just invaded an entire world and subjugated its citizens. Why are they worried about a signature? Do they suddenly have moral scruples about forgery? Once again, a plot point that makes no sense. It’s bad enough that this invasion is without any motivation, but now they actually expect us to believe that the Queen’s signature is going to stop the Trade Federation from doing what they damn well please? Come on, that’s just ludicrous.

So, the queen and co. are being escorted to an internment camp by some of those oh so effective battle droids, when we are treated to a pretty cool scene of the Jedi swooping in to save the day. Obi and Qui-Gon make short and pretty spectacular work of the escort. The scene, is of course, marred by the slapstick buffoonery of Jar Jar Binks, but luckily it’s relegated to the background enough that it’s easy to overlook. A brief exchange follows, with a governor (the same one who came to the invasion conclusion earlier) giving Qui-Gon some sass about negotiations, and Qui-Gon slappin’ it right back in his face. Oddly, the governor gives Qui-Gon this look which reads very much like suspicion and distrust. More subtext about how the Jedi are perceived? Who knows.

Will it ever end? No.

~ by Pagz on June 17, 2008.

One Response to “Suddenly Bananas… thousands of them”

  1. Put a banana in your ear! (A banana in my ear?) Put a ripe banana right into your favourite ear.

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