I feel like I’m taking Crazy Pills

Qui-Gon pushes and the council reluctantly agrees to test the boy. Now, maybe I’m stupid, but I would have thought that the responsible thing to do in this case would be to take Anakin in and train him. He is the most powerful force adept on record after all, and the dark side being what it is shouldn’t the Jedi be actively trying to make sure that his powers don’t get turned that way? Apparently not, as for the rest of the prequels we’ll watch the Jedi council as they appear to do their best to actively alienate and enrage the young Jedi. He barely needs Palpatine at all, dealing with the Jedi bureaucracy would be enough to turn anyone to the Dark Side.

The whole Jedi Council sequence has left me cold. I’m not feeling the awe or excitement I had anticipated would accompany such a gathering. It’s this whole philosopher monk thing George has going on, it flies entirely counter to what the Jedi are supposed to be. It was a mistake, plain and simple, and it burdens the rest of the prequels unnecessarily while also saddling the original trilogy with a new definition of what the Jedi were that doesn’t jive with anything those films established previously. Sadly, there’s no relief in site, because it’s time for some Anakin.

Anakin has come to visit Padme in what I’m sure is supposed to be a scene that underlines the emotional connection between the two. Anakin explains that he’s about to leave for the Jedi temple, maybe forever, so he’s come to say good bye. Honestly, this line really reminds me of all those war movies where dudes try to get play with their ladies by explaining that they’re shipping out to the front tomorrow and my never come home. It’s a little creepy coming from a 9 year old. Jake Lloyd’s wooden delivery does nothing to make the dialogue work in this scene. The queen is using her silly accent and artificially lowered voice, and the whole thing just feels staged.

Shit yeah! Time for more POLITICS! We get our first look at the long fabled senate. We heard about the Senate in A New Hope, but they never let on that it was this massive. It’s impressive in scale but utterly impractical. The chair recognizes the sovereign system of Naboo and Palpatine takes the floor. For a brief moment there’s a glimmer of hope that we may finally learn what this whole fucking mess is actually about, but its’ short lived.

Here my friends is the films explanation: “A tragedy has occurred, which started right here with the taxation of trade routes and has now engulfed our entire planet in the oppression of the trade federation.” WHAT? That’s it, that’s all you get. The motivations behind everything will never be explained further. Why, if all of this started on Coruscant did the trade federation not embargo CORUSCANT? Why embargo some planet so far out in the galaxy that it’s within sub-light range of Tatooine, known to be out in the ass end of space, the outer rim territories. It makes no god damned sense at all.

Queen Amidala takes the floor now and lays it all down. She still sounds ridiculous. The Trade Federation immediately jump to their own defense, claiming there is no proof. How can their not be any fucking proof? Anyone in the senate should be able to check that out in like a minute. “Oh hey, the federation blockade ships are jamming all communications to Naboo, that’s kinda suspicious. The queen’s ship has all these sensor logs of the armed occupation from its flight out, also suspicious.” But it gets even more retarded, because the Trade Federation then demands that a commission be sent to ascertain the truth. WTF? You’re peeing on your own feet Trade Federation! A commission will go to Naboo and find a FUCKING INVASION! How do you hide that? How do you prevent this commission from seeing the droid armies and the detention camps? How do you silence the WHOLE FUCKING PLANET? You don’t.

The rest of this scene is just pure lunacy. The queen is unwilling to wait for a commission, despite the fact that they could arrive at her planet in mere hours apparently. Instead she calls for a vote of no confidence against their strongest supporter, the Supreme Chancellor himself. Oh Palpatine you are a crafty devil. This whole nonsensical move was suggested by him in that scene earlier where he told us the republic sucks, and the queen rightly rejected it then as moronic. But now, being faced with having to wait a few hours for a commission to be sent to Naboo to go “Oh hey look! There was an Invasion, better put a stop to that!” She decides it would be better to turn the whole political structure of the Republic upside down. And since when can a single representative call for the impeachment of the leader of the government? Is that not the kind of thing that should reasonably require a procedure and, you know, a REASON? “The President is following the rules and not giving me instant unilateral justice! I demand we impeach him and find someone who will do it my way, trampling on all your rights in the process!” It’s total Bullshit.


~ by Pagz on June 27, 2008.

3 Responses to “I feel like I’m taking Crazy Pills”

  1. The politics are simplistic and nonsensical, of course (and only get more absurd with the sequels), but the necessity of keeping the real reason for the Naboo blockade and invasion secret is obvious in hindsight… I’m sure you’re just being facetious here, questioning why the Trade Federation has attacked “some planet so far out in the galaxy,” when it just-so-happens to be Chancellor Palpatine’s homeworld, and that sympathy vote is what supposedly gets him elected new Supreme Chancellor.

  2. Oh, and what suggests that sending a commission to Naboo to prove Amidala’s claim would only take a matter of hours?

  3. I’m suggesting that the whether by design or by poor editing, the trip from Tatooine to Naboo seems to be very brief for our heroes. As far as the invasion of Naboo, I understnd why Palpatine chose it to generte the sympathy vote, but it’s still entirely retarded. In a sente of apparently tens of thousands not one delegate said to themselves “Hey, that’s a bit weird, why Naboo?” not to mention that the plan requires all the ridiculous coincidences that came before in the movie to work. Palpatine’s reading of the future clearly veers away from Jedi visions and into the realm of total precognition. Which i stupid.

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