You’re so beautiful, you could be an air hostess in the 60’s

Back at the palace the Neimoidians are having a chat with Palpatine about This army of primitives that’s assembling. Palpatine decides that this will work to their advantage and orders the Neimoidians to “Wipe them out… All of them.” It’s one of the few scenes in the film that actually works. The Neimoidians still sound ridiculous, but it’s only their accents, the dialogue here is fine, and Palpatine is evil and chilling.

We cut now to the plains of Naboo where we see the Gungan army assembling. They have shield generators which is kind of interesting, although I think the visual effect is poorly conceived. This is all CG and you can tell. The Droid army arrives and commences bombardment, which proves ineffective. Perhaps the Naboo should invest in this shield technology. Meanwhile outside the palace the noble humans are ready to raise some hell. The diversion doesn’t end up being much of a diversion; it’s just a frontal assault. Qui-Gon gives Anakin some instructions about finding a safe place to hide once they get inside. This seems pretty weird to me, but whatever, I’m sure there has to be some logical reason for bringing a child to a firefight… I just can’t think of what it is.

Our heroes make their way inside and Amidala orders the pilots to their ships. The pilots are garbed in these ridiculous robes that are totally non functional. Sitting in a cockpit can’t be easy when you’re encased in these things, the costume designer for this film should be ashamed. Anakin takes cover in the cockpit of an unused fighter, so you just know that’s going to key in later. Another of George’s weak ass attempts to link up to the continuity of the original trilogy. Also, this is possibly the most cheerful battle music ever composed. It gives the ewok battle music a run for its money.

Our pilots have made it out of the hangar now and are heading towards the droid control ship to do battle. Some useless dialogue from the pilots follows before we head back to the plains to check in on the Gungans. The Gungans are holding the line, Jar Jar sagely telling his troops “steady, steady” like they need to hear it from a panicky dumbass like him. The droids are activated and Captain Tarpals delivers the totally killer line “Ouch time”. Oh George. The droids can apparently pass through the Gungan shield for reasons never explained, and now it’s time for the ground battle. Jar Jar is once more a goldmine of slapstick capering, Honestly, why did George think this would be an effective element to include in a battle sequence. Any urgency is robbed from the scene by Jar Jar’s buffoonery.

Back in the palace the gang is on their way to get the chancellor. Anakin wants to come too, but Qui-Gon insists he stay in the cockpit of that fighter. And now, here it comes, the moment we’ve been waiting for. The blast doors open and there is his royal badness Darth Maul. The Jedi declare that they’ll handle this. The queen and her posse take an alternate route and now it’s time for things to get good.


~ by Pagz on July 7, 2008.

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