Geoffrey: Version 3.1

It’s time. I’ve done this before. I was going to do it again on my birthday back in April. I was still carrying some baggage then. I even had the opportunity to address it that day. I still don’t understand the aftermath of that, try as I might. Anyway, the point here is not dredging up the past, but looking to the future.

It would be totally accurate to say that I am not at all happy with the state of my life right now. I haven’t been happy for a long, long time at this stage.  It’s no way to live. I’ve spent so long worrying about other people and their expectations. My friends, my parents, significant others, and all this time I’ve been ignoring the person that this should matter to the most: Me.

That’s stopping now. I’m 31 years old and it’s time for me to start taking my life where I want it to go, not where anyone else thinks it should go. It’s going to mean some changes. Some small, some drastic. I’m going to be a much more selfish Geoffrey than you’ve been used to in the past. I haven’t stopped caring, but before I can look after anybody else I have to look after me because no one else is going to. I’m not really worried, my true friends will stick with me through this process. Anyone who doesn’t, well, no hard feelings.

And so…

Geoffrey Version 3.1

1) Relationships. I’ve had my fair share. Some good, Some bad, Some great, some insubstantial. I’ve learned a lot, but I have often ignored the lessons of the past. No more jumping in head first. No more making excuses for the baggage of others. I’ll keep looking, but no more worrying about it. It will happen when it happens.

2) Health. I have not taken my health seriously and it’s catching up with me. It’s time to start taking care of myself.

3) Debt. This has been the root of a lot of my worries and my attempts to appease others. No more. I have a debt. That’s just life. I’m not the only person in the world and it’s time to stop beating myself up over it like I am. There are a million people in far worse financial shape than me. My debt will get paid off when it gets paid off, I’m not going to let it make me sick with worry anymore.

4) Fitness. It’s time to start working out regularly. Whether it be walking, swimming, dancing or the gym. Daily activity, no excuses. I’m going to invest in myself here, get myself some equipment that I can use at home. The last time I truly got in shape and made it work was when I had access to a home gym. That was the key. If that’s what it takes then that’s what will happen.

5) Clothes. This is a holdover from the last list. I am still a firm believer that the clothes make the man. It may take some time to realize this item on the list, clothes are expensive, and the image I wish to project doesn’t really gel with my current physique. Expect some intermediate stages here before I achieve my goal. Suit up!

6) Social life. Another holdover. Movie night has indeed become a weekly event. To this I wish to add more. I don’t go out enough. My schedule is highly restrictive currently, but I’m in the process of changing that (See #8). I am very keen on Swing Dancing as many of you know. I would consider myself to be barely competent. When my schedule is in hand I want to go to classes regularly and to the weekly Swing Dancing events here in town. I’ll be counting on my buddy Sav to help me out on this front.

7) Art and Creative Fulfillment. For too long I’ve been afraid of failing. I’ve shied away from opportunities because I’ve lacked confidence in my abilities. I’ve listened to other people advising me to be practical and gave up on my dreams in order to conform to their standards of responsibility. I’m done doubting myself. This is what I want out of my life and if I don’t try to make it happen I’m never going to be happy. This is another area where I’m going to get selfish and invest in me. It’s time to stop making excuses and start making a distinct effort to push forward. In short order I am finally going to invest in a Cintiq, something I should have bought years ago. Then I’m going to move full steam ahead with my Comic, my portfolio and my pitches. I’m going to start writing again as well. I’m going to spend 2011 preparing and then I’m going to make it happen in 2012 (possibly sooner if things go well).

8 ) Work. Currently the job I have is highly restrictive. I am “on call” any day that I do not have a scheduled shift. I am required to be at work within 1 hour of being called. If I am not available it is a mark against me and possible grounds for the termination of my employment. I am not paid a premium for being available, nor for the excessive and unreasonable restrictions this imposes on my life. I’m not actually sure that this arrangement is entirely legal. It’s a big company though, I’m sure they’ve found some loophole in the labour code which allows them to do this. I am currently looking for alternate employment. A job with steady, regular hours, no “on call”. I have some leads, we’ll see where they go. I’d even stay where I am if I could move to a position with regular hours and if that position gets me out of customer service, well that’s just gravy. I’m looking in to courses at UVic to help enhance my skill set as a backup to my current trajectory. I no longer wish to work in Customer Service, but I will if I know it’s leading to something.

9) Diet. I eat poorly. Very poorly. When it comes to food I am lazy. Without someone to cook for and/or with I just don’t have the motivation. This has been an expensive and unhealthy way to live for me. For the time being I am instituting what I’m calling: The Really Boring Plan. The RBP consists of a pretty limited repertoire: For breakfast Oatmeal with berries. For lunch Salad with Soup or Sandwich. For Dinner chicken and veggie stir fry or Pasta with tomato sauce. Snacks will be fresh fruit or veggies. I will be drinking water. No more pop. No more fast food. No more eating out. When I have my health and fitness where I want them to be then maybe things will get more flexible, but this was the other component of when I got in to shape, a boring, healthy, easy to maintain diet.

10) Reason. I know and fully expect that I will backslide on some or all of these things at some time or another. Possibly more than once. It’s going to happen. I’m not going to beat myself up over it. I’m not going to let it discourage me. When I fall down, I’m getting right back up and trying again.

So there it is. Big changes coming.

~ by Pagz on August 3, 2010.

10 Responses to “Geoffrey: Version 3.1”

  1. Good for you, Geoff, that sounds like a really balanced plan. I wish you the very best of luck, and I will be here to support you when you need it 🙂

  2. Good for you! I know how hard it is to REALLY make significant changes in your life. It takes more than just muscle, it also takes mental and emotional [and financial] strength!

    There’s lots on the list, so bear with me:

    Re: being more selfish. I agree. I’m a “buy my friends’ love with stuff” kind of person. I’ve had to really start being more selfish, even though I like to make other people happy.

    Re: relationships. It’s always a tricky one. I have no advice because I’ve only had 2 major relationships and one was a marriage. All I can say, is that life isn’t fair BUT not comprimising yourself [values etc] for someone else is super important. Being picky or selective is a GOOD thing, even if it gets super lonely. I totally understand.

    re: health. I smoke and hate it, but love it. And wish I could stop, but can’t right now.

    re: debt. I currently owe about 20k in student loans and 16k in other debt and I don’t even own a house or car or any sort of asset, uneless you count my cat. I live hand to mouth and pay debts with other debts. Even though I stay on top of things, I can’t entirely help where my life is at with this right now.

    re: Fitness. I totally understand. However, I hate actual excersize so I guess I will just have to learn to love the fat me.

    re: clothes. Totally not that expensive. You just need to be thrifty! I’m greek, so I’m a barginer by nature, but I can’t fathom paying more than $60 for shoes or $30 for a shirt etc. Especially when there are lots of sales, and thrift stores. So unless you wanna wear CK or Holt Renfrew…I don’t know why you’d want to buy expensive stuff. More money doesn’t always mean looking better. BUT changing your wardrobe can be such a nice thing!

    re: social life. I get this too. I’ve got very few close friends and some others that I don’t need in my life but keep in my life for the sake of it. It feels really good to meet new people. I’ve been trying my best to not be a total hermit and enjoy people and the weather. I think it will do you some good to get out there and just socialise in whatever way you’re comfortable with.

    re: arts etc. Well, I’m not one to talk since I can’t crafy anymore, and have been sort of working on a manuscript for like 3 years. But good look!

    re: work. I hear you on this one! I was so sick of working at a job that was uber toxic and unfulfilling. I’m hoping going back to school [if I can] will help me work things out with myself and get me on track to doing what I want to do most: help people. It would be amazing to wake up in the morning and feel good about what I was doing instead of sitting in a parking lot crying for 10 minutes about going to work [seriously, true story, almost every day at Shaw]

    re: diet. I eat like crap right now because I have virtually no kitchen. I love cooking for people and so it makes me incredibly depressed that I can’t have dinner parties etc right now with my current place. Once I figure the job sitch out and school etc and get a bigger place…I’m hoping to start my own indoor garden and start eating better.

    ..side note: if you buy local from farmers markets, moss st. market on saturdays, etc you’ll save on tax! And you’re supporting local people. I’ve been getting a lot of stuff from the moss st market lately. Also, St. Ann’s has an orchard in the front that is totally public. Free fruit. It’s amazing!

    re: reason. just make goals that work within your lifestyle. I can’t set giant targets for myself or I will fail. I literally make up an entire plan, timeline etc and shoot for one thing at a time to make things more manageable for myself. But that’s also because I have serious issues and am a maniac normally.

  3. Don’t No.4 (Fitness) and No.9 (Diet) render No.2 (Health) totally redundant? Or do you have health issues beyond your lack of exercise and dietary concerns? Are you telling us you’re prepared to lay off the recreational pharmaceuticals and the hard liquor? You’re giving up the methamphetamines and the hormone injections!? You’re quitting the narcotics AND the medicinal marijuana cold-turkey?? You’re gonna stop sniffing glue and inhaling paint fumes?!?

    ‘Cause dude, if you’re not into drug and alcohol abuse any more, I don’t think we can continue being friends… -_-

  4. I separate fitness and health because I have other non related health issues. My biggest problem is that I ignore them. For example, that problem I have with my legs. I finally went to the doctor about it this week. It’s been happening since 2004. I’ve had blood work taken and I’m being sent to a neurologist. Whatever is wrong with me, I should have dealt with it when it first started instead of waiting over half a decade. There are other things. I stay up way too late just so I can talk to people, and I have some pretty bad sleep deprivation because of it. I won’t be doing that anymore, I have imposed a *bedtime* on myself. It sounds lame, but I really do have to start taking better care of myself.

  5. Nothin’ lame about taking care of yourself, man.

    I don’t know if these New Year’s resolutions of yours are six months late or six months early, but I wish you the best… and I sure hope it results in more Non Stop Pop!

    Incidentally, does that problem you have with your legs have anything to do with that problem you have with your back?

  6. Who knows, it’s possible. I had an accident in 2004 that destroyed my back, and that’s about when my leg trouble started as well.

  7. That’s also when BSG started, IIRC…
    Speaking of which, have you seen this guy’s computer?

  8. Okay, maybe I’m the only one who noticed this but, you stated
    ‘…all this time I’ve been ignoring the person that this should matter to the most: Me.’
    This is actually incorrect, you shoud be worrying about what I think secondary to yourself… this is going to be… wait for it…

  9. Legend..

  10. …ary

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